TRUE AND FROM THE HEART

Memories of you. 

The lights are out and all the fans and praise singers have gone for the day. I am now able to sit in my favourite spot and take a closer look at what I see. I just see you. You gave me every reason to believe in myself; to have confidence in myself. You brought out joy in my spirit; my heart skipped a beat every time I heard your voice or looked in your face; you made me laugh and you made me cry. Too many times I just wanted to toss it all behind me and move on the way I am wont to so often do.

It hurts to finally admit that I knew from the onset that we were chasing after a lost cause. You could never belong to me; we both wished for what we could not have – we only wanted it to last for as long as we could make it last and boy did it last?

In the end, we had to go our separate ways and ever since I have sought that being who would take your place. I am tired of struggling to find that person who will fill the vacuum; truth be told, I don’t want to fill that vacuum. It hurts so good?

No. You are you and no one can be you.

It really does feel good to remember you. You were my friend, you brought out the essence in me – that little girl in me; that child who just wanted to be loved and accepted. You accepted the woman that I turned out to be and you fought beside me. You were my number one fan and my champion.

You made me happy and I have tried to forget all the darkness and storms of the last days but every effort at forgetting and walking away always ends in more anguish. I never really loved you and I don’t miss you but I acknowledge that you were indeed a good friend to me and now that I have let you go, I will tell myself the truth so I can peacefully move on without you but with memories that will live forever.

DEFINING STANDARDS AMONG NIGERIANS

Someone once told me that in a pack of Africans, you will always identify the Nigerian distinctly from the others. There is something unique about us Nigerians that make us stand out among other Africans. For many people who are non-Nigerian world over, there are diverse records of encounters with Nigerians.

It is a shame that quite a lot of Nigerian citizens have gone bad and are giving every other Nigerian a bad name all over the world. In spite of this infamous reputation that many of our people have brought upon us, there are certain circles where Nigerians are highly respected, appreciated and desired.

To the best of my knowledge, there is no general or common description that would fit majority of Nigerians and there are so many varied descriptions that I still cannot settle for as the official or general description of Nigerians.

I am a Nigerian and I have been one for over forty years. I have lived most of my life among Nigerians and I believe that I am in a good position to describe Nigerians. My description of Nigerians is neither official nor is it professional but by and large it is an accurate description of Nigerian people.

Nigerians are predominantly warm, laidback and very casual people in their approach to all issues. Nigerians may truly find some ideal that challenges their intellect but Nigerians will never stick out their neck enough to want to or agree to die for any cause. Just per chance someone comes up to say that a Nigerian agreed to suicide bomb himself, I’d say, “beware, the joke may well be on you.”

Italians are known to have a very high level of respect for their families and their roles in their families. These are the predominant traits among Italians wherever they are found in the world. Nigerians on the other hand are a pot-pourri of traits and characteristics.

However, what about the issue of standards? What are the standards among Nigerians? What is acceptable and what is not acceptable? What is the basis by which people are honoured in Nigeria? By what standard is success measured among Nigerians?

“GOD bless America” is a very common prayer among Americans at whatever age. Let’s not go into whether Nigerians can pray for Nigeria; but if you are praying for Nigeria, how can you succeed in Nigeria if Nigeria is left to grabbers and heathens? Are we proud of our flag, our national anthem or the national pledge?

At this point, I dare say that fewer Nigerians know that our national flag is made up of two and only two colours; fewer Nigerians know by heart the wordings of the national anthem and the national pledge. These three elements are common to all Nigerians, we as a people must know them just as we know our personal names.

For the entrepreneur who wants to record a breakthrough, he must be (seriously) familiar with the map of Nigeria, the culture and traditions of the people. Such a person must approach Nigeria with personal interest at heart. Be it in the service or production industry, he will have to come early to the realization that as much as he can offer sub-standard products and services, that is how the next entrepreneur can do same.

My people say that, “if you are so gifted to see someone in the dark, believe that he too has seen you.” This is applicable to each and all; no skills or strategies will exempt you as an entrepreneur who is fond of short-paying consumers from receiving and consuming sub-standard products and services and from being defrauded.

The fact that you maintain high standards in your business does not also exempt you from being short-paid because the general practice of cutting edges has become our way of approaching business. Please refer to my description of Nigerians one more time.

Once again, all Americans say “GOD bless America,” America is recognized by all nations as the most developed of all nations. I assure you that there is no basis for competition between Nigeria and America but there is no harm in aspiring to be one of the strongest and best developing countries. Margaret Thatcher once said, “she did not see the likelihood of a woman ever ruling as PM in Great Britain,” well history is the best authority to refer to over that view point.

Entrepreneurship is being introduced in Nigerian curriculum at a very early level now but people need to also introduce integrity in business to young Nigerian minds. This is an over flogged issue but we must continue to flog it.

Going into business does not mean an opportunity for you to express your skills at defrauding unsuspecting or even gullible customers. You may get away with it for a while but very soon, your reputation will go around and you will begin to seek other means of compelling or manipulating customers’ decision to or not to patronize your sub-standard business.

The truth is that you too will patronize another entrepreneur like yourself and as a result, you will curse Nigeria instead of praying for Nigeria like every responsible Nigerian should. How will the land of Nigeria yield her abundance to us who live off Nigeria?

What (where) are our values as a people? As soon as we can truthfully answer this question, we will be able to draw up a table of standards of how we approach business and life.

Approach to business and approach to life cannot be clearly separated. When we consider simple questions like these, it becomes clearer.

i.              Do you see the need to pay your utility bills? What about taxes?

ii.             Do you see the need to treat your workers like human beings or like you would want your own relative to be treated?

iii.           Do you bother to take time to consider what you intend to say before shooting it out; do you have any regard for your audience?

iv.           Do you take the pain to find out how the next man’s name is pronounced before you make an attempt to pronounce it?

v.            How do you handle power when you are given authority?

These are a few of the questions that we would need to address; whatever your answer may be, remember what they say, “what goes around comes around.” It is just unfortunate that it is poor Nigeria that takes the brunt.

PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENT IS THE KEY

 

This is what counts. 


Quite frankly, if we look around, we find that everyone is target for marginalization. There are people who for their own reasons would want to marginalize other people around them, but the key thing is “if people would allow themselves to be marginalized.” Who will save you from marginalization? It is only you who has the ability and interest to save yourself from marginalization.

By the way, its only in Nigeria that this word is used freely. It has become so used and abused that in a situation where one expresses dissatisfaction over service received, the first response will be marginalization. If a sloppy staff is reprimanded, he will scream marginalization. If a landlord serves a truant tenant a quit notice, the next thing the tenant will say is that he is being marginalized.

In too many cases, we blame other people for our misfortunes because we have not been able to see ourselves and our products or service as unique and different from a certain group or class to which we restrict ourselves. Until we rise above the contraptions of social groups or class; we will not see the need to add value to ourselves, to our products or to our services enough to make room for desirability. In the course of my development as an individual, I have come to see the critical need to add value to myself so much so that it is sufficient to add to every person I come in contact with and every environment I enter.

My parents are (first and foremost) teachers. My mother’s father was a lawyer (as well as a teacher) and my father’s father was a preacher (and a teacher). The most common trade among my kinsmen is teaching and preaching in one form or the other. I am a writer, an artist, an entrepreneur and a teacher.

My siblings are professionals in various fields but by and large they are also teachers. Simply put, teaching is a basic career in my family and in the community where I come from but we have over time, developed other skills and means of earning income. I have medical doctors, engineers, bank managers, musicians, etc in my family who has discovered ways of expressing that basic tendency to teach. It is our calling.

Now the fact that I come from a family of teachers does not mean that I should not aspire or work towards being the best teacher there ever was or being the biggest teaching entrepreneur in Nigeria. I that I am not restricted to teaching in the classroom.

That I am a Nigerian does not limit my aspirations to be best at any field I choose. I always tell young people that Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala’s father is not the owner of World Bank where she rose to be the President until she recently returned to Nigeria to take charge of the Ministry of Finance. She did not have to know anybody to be at the top today.

D’banj, TuFace, Genevieve Nnaji and so many other Nigerian successful artistes are pulling their weight in their chosen careers inspite of limitations

There is nothing that cannot be achieved if one sincerely and consistently works at it. I am an African does not mean that I cannot reach the highest international height in my field. President Barack Obama, Beyonce Knowles, Oprah Winfrey are all Africans and they are still doing very well in their diverse areas of endeavour. 

This is the result of their personal effort to achieve distinction and excellence. This is personal achievement. Every individual has the potential to excel if they work at it and in the same line, every business has the potential to excel if the entrepreneur works at it. What I just want to reveal here is that it is not impossible. There are too many written material on success tips in personal relationships and in business but believing that it can be done is key and working sincerely and consistently are the major keys to personal achievement.

WISHFUL THINKING

 

Wishful thinking is indicative of the love for things one has neither worked for nor earned. Until some price is paid for something desiring such benefits will remain an elusive mirage. Many nations with strong economies and political structures have at some point in their existence fought bitter wars and made sacrifices in the interest of their country. It takes some advancement for people to come together as a country and make sacrifices to protect the ideals of their society. Making sacrifices without a plan or a template for proceeding is an exercise in futility because it will appear like simply groping about in the dark. Having a strategic plan worked out in the form of a template will be a guide to serve as a light in the course of the journey.

The generation of Nigerians that negotiated and contended with the colonialist for autonomy and self-rule of Nigeria by Nigerians rose beyond the level of satisfying their basic needs to attain the exalted level of nationalism and patriotism which were at the foundation of their struggles for the motherland. Many of them were imprisoned and brutalized by the government because of the stand they took against colonial rule.  Many of them were blacklisted and victimized in employment, business and in almost every other area of life in Nigeria. They maintained their stand and kept the struggle alive until self-rule was attained. Sadly however, after more than 50years of self-rule which has been plagued with religious and ethnic conflicts that culminated in the bitter civil war of 1966 to 1969 and so many other outbreaks of violence by way of militancy and insurgency, Nigeria has found it difficult to move beyond the position that it has reached as a nation.

One wonders why Nigeria has not risen above this level after so many years especially as Nigeria started out as a promising nation so much that Nigeria was tagged ‘the giant of Africa.’  It however turns out that the answer to the so many questions over this sorry situation is much simpler than the amount of thinking that went into the seeking.  Studies in development psychology especially on motivation reveal that people at the lowest rung of the table tend to be unreasonable when their expectations are not met and to a large extent they will easily sway in the direction of what seems to provide satisfaction for these needs. In essence for a pittance, someone who is entrusted with a delicate responsibility will easily compromise his authority when he is confronted with a need that is not quickly addressed by those who delegate authority to him.  Sadly the largest number of the Nigerian population exists at the level of basic physiological needs. The very few who have come close to the peak of the pyramid is an endangered species in the Nigerian society.

A typical scenario is one where Nigerian fans wish that the Nigerian National team would win a football tournament that they have not adequately prepared for and to worsen issues, the boys being entrusted with such a tedious responsibility feel no commitment to the team or the country but because Nigerians are good at praying, they believe that they are entitled to victory.

Nigerians are known to be highly intellectual and predominantly emotional; what is required at the moment is an honest confrontation of the image we see in the mirror and quit dreaming. A guide to assisting in attaining this reality is the above Maslow’s hierarchy of needs diagram; an honest study will reveal unpleasant results. If we carry out a sincere assessment and determine where Nigerians as a people stand on the ‘hierarchy of needs’ table, we will have a better understanding of the reasons why it would indeed be dangerous to make available so much power without putting in place necessary checks to control the use of such power. 

He that is empowered is not a powerful man indeed, rather he is placed in a position of authority and he is expected to render account for how he has expended the authority that has been entrusted to him.  He will do well to remember that people will ask and history must be written no matter how unpleasant the story may be.

It is of paramount importance that Nigerians start to make conscious effort to aspire to higher heights on the ‘hierarchy of needs’ table. There is a lot more to be gained by aspiring towards a noble way of living and conducting ourselves.

GOD bless Nigeria